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Monday, August 14th, 2006

Time Event
11:12p
Scottish Executive Ban
According to announcements posted today, the Scottish Executive is taking steps to reduce the number of avoidable deaths encountered in Scotland every year. Week after week, emergency wards in Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen and Glenuig have to face appalling injuries on Friday and Saturday nights. And the police have had enough, too.

"They go out, they're trying to look cool, and they just can't resist showing off their shiny macho penis substitutes," said a source. "But soon enough, tempers rise, and it all ends in tragedy."

The ban on Ferraris is part of the Executive's five-point plan. "There's no reason for anyone to have such a powerful vehicle," said a spokesman. "Our country's roads are becoming a nightmare, with traffic accidents reported every time you look at the paper. Speeding is rife. Something has to be done."

Education is a key part of the plan, to reduce the "five mph over the limit" culture. And a recent amensty saw over 12 keys handed in, though they were later found to be due to confusion with the Hertz rental franchise next door.

According to new legislation, it will be illegal to buy hugely powerful muscle cars, unless you are specifically licenced. Dealers will have to show they have taken reasonable steps to ensure that drivers will not exceed the speed limit. Exemptions will be in place, for sporting reasons (i.e. you're taking part in a Grand Prix, or you're a footballer.)

Current Mood: Less than surprised

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